Counter threat

A. flicked me in the back. It stung a little. While being forced to lean on the cubicle counter due the weight of unfathomable despair, I asked my assistant (in front of A.) if she were good with a shovel provided the dirt were soft. Assistant informed me she was there to do whatever I asked, which gave me hope. A. advised me I should start sleeping with one eye open. Immediately lost hope, contemplated actual ability to sleep with eye open, and determined I may need a home security system.